Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Guest Post - Breakfast Under A Cornish Sun by Samantha Tonge

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Blurb
 
Dreaming of the perfect man?

Kate Golightly needs to move forward and what better way to do that then with a trip to the Cornish coast with best friend and boss, Izzy.

The sea wind is just what Kate needs to finally relax and begin to let go of her past. Except she’s suddenly got one big reason to panic! She RSVP’d ‘yes’ to the Queen Bee of her high school’s wedding saying she’s bringing her boyfriend (she doesn’t have one) who looks just like Ross Poldark!

With only two weeks to find the Poldark look-alike of her dreams Kate is under a lot of pressure for the Cornish coast to deliver…
        
Guest Post
 
  Kate Golightly’s Guide to Navigating a Wedding
By Samantha Tonge

Hello. My name’s Kate and a wedding invite inspired my trip to Cornwall. You see an old school frenemy invited me and and my plus one to hers. She’s a massive Poldark fan like me and I decided the only way to really impress her was to turn up with a look-alike of that hero. I know – petty – but we’ve got history. And... and you see recently I became single. Unexpectedly. I needed to up my game to meet the challenge. Through my twenties I’ve attended many weddings and most have been lovely occasions where I’ve shed a tear at my friends’ or family’s happiness. But the occasional wedding can be something of a trial, so here is my guide to surviving the day without losing your sanity!

Firstly – very important – EAT whilst you drink, to internally mop up the alcohol. One reason we serve donuts at the café-bar I work in, is that it saves phone calls to the police. The British love their booze and seem to genetically be missing that Stop Button when they’ve over-indulged. The last thing you want to do is to end up snogging your best friend’s uncle or dancing topless on the head table. And weddings are lethal for fans of fizz. The celebrating, for guests and the starring cast alike, usually starts before the ceremony and continues whilst photos are taken. The wedding “breakfast” often isn’t until mid-afternoon. So buy bags of crisps. Smuggle sweets into church. And – I know this is an alien idea – but consider alternating all that champers with the occasional soft drink.

Secondly, as soon as you arrive at the reception venue, scout all the exit routes. If things get too intense, you might need to make a sharp departure and catch your breath for a moment. Even better, whether you smoke or not, take a packet of cigarettes. Then if you get caught up with a drunken usher trying it on, or a grannie quizzing you about your romantic status, you can suddenly announce an urge for a smoke and leave the danger zone. In fact formulate a get-out plan to leave the wedding altogether if the even really becomes too uncomfortable. Learn how to make your mobile phone ring itself. Then answer. Pull a shocked face. Oh dear, your cat’s been run over or someone has spotted smoke coming out of your home.

Thirdly, let’s take a positive stance. Weddings can be really feel-good occasions, full of smiles and hugs. My top tip is to make friends with the parents by helping out with their kids. Dance with the little ones. Play noughts and crosses. Discuss One Direction. Or coo over babies (well, they are adorable anyway) and offer to hold them for a while when they wake up. Grateful mum and dads will probably buy you loads of drinks, in return for you giving them a moment’s peace.

Fourthly – if you work for yourself like me (as well as working in a café-bar, I’m a singer) see the event as a career opportunity. Take business cards and scatter them subtly across tables. Mention your profession in conversations, whether you are a plumber, website designer or cakemaker.

Finally...Remember the day is very big for a certain couple and not about your discomfort. I know. It’s hard. I’ve had a tough few months but have done my darnest to put on a brave face. No point in bringing other people down too. So humour that Granddad telling you about his latest round of golf. Tell the bride for the hundredth time her bum doesn’t look too big in that white meringue skirt. Grin madly for the photographer, even though you hate your picture being taken. Try to have fun. Dance. Laugh at the speeches. And then reward yourself with one almighty slice of wedding cake.

Out in paperback on August 25th!

3 comments:

  1. Firstly I really like the sound of this book. I have only visited Cornwall once and would love to go back hence why I love books set there. I also have to say I laughed at the guide to the wedding. I may try some of these tips next time. Good luck with the book I look forward to reading it.

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    1. Thanks Tanya! Yes, some weddings can be a challenge! x

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